18 Nov

Hands-On Help from Sex Surrogates

“What’s a Sex Surrogate?”

After last week’s news segment, I received several emails asking me to explain sex surrogacy. Clearly not everyone has read my book, Sex in South Beach, which discusses the same sex surrogacy story that Helen Hunt acts out in her new movie, Sessions.   So even though you haven’t done your required reading, I  still love you  and will re-explain sex surrogacy here.

A sex surrogate is a professional trained to help people develop fulfilling sexual relationships.  Unlike me, a sex surrogate provides hands-on help, and will  hug, touch, and interact intimately with their client. And yes, services often include intercourse.

Once a surrogate teaches someone to have successful sexual relationships, the goal is to transfer those skills to the real world in order to establish a romantic relationship with someone who’s not being paid.  To get a surrogate, a person first needs to  work with a sexologist (someone like me) who will help establish learning goals and when the time is right, will connect them to a surrogate who can provide some practical instruction.  Once the goals are achieved,  surrogate services end and the client works with their  sexologist to test their new skills in the real world.

“Who needs a sex surrogate?”
There are  lots of 40 year old virgins out there. As well as people who experienced sexual trauma as a child and have never been able to have successful adult relationships. Sometimes people are simply socially inept (you know that strange person at work) and don’t have the skills to find someone to love. People with disabilities also have limited opportunities to learn how to achieve satisfying intimate relationships.  Wounded veterans are another population who  need to learn new sex skills in order to function sexually in their new body.

Surrogates are NOT prostitutes and their goal is not to have sex with someone, but to TEACH someone the skills to enjoy sexually fulfilling relationships. Often that happens without sex.  Sometimes people need to learn how to date (we’ve all been out with them), or simply to relax in order to enjoy romance. Sometimes people simply need to know it’s inappropriate to pick your nose at the dinner table. Or experience holding hands with someone while walking down the street. Or learn to look into someone’s eyes and enjoy the intense intimacy eye contact can achieve.

“Is Dr. Sonjia a Sex Surrogate?”
No, but I did receive quite a few calls last week  asking me to be a sex surrogate.   I have never been a surrogate and my husband doesn’t think it’s a good idea to start now (especially while pregnant).  Surrogates are trained by the IPSA (International Professional Surrogates Association) and have developed their skills through extensive education.  If you think a surrogate can help you or someone you love, contact IPSA and/or make an appointment with a sexologist who can help determine if surrogate therapy is the right option.
“Why were you  so oily on camera?”
Many also asked me this question after seeing me on the news.  They wondered if I had just come back from the gym or run over to the news studio.  I’m gonna’ blame my shine on my pregnancy hormones.  And can we all agree that I was “glowing” with fertility,  not oozing out oil?  LOL!
For more info on sex surrogates, pick up a copy of Sex in South Beach (hard copy or kindle edition).

click here to watch video


  1. December 1, 2012

    Woah this blog is great i like reading your posts. Stay up the good paintings! You already know, lots of people are searching round for this information, you could help them greatly.


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