“What’s a Sex Surrogate?”
After last week’s news segment, I received several emails asking me to explain sex surrogacy. Clearly not everyone has read my book, Sex in South Beach, which discusses the same sex surrogacy story that Helen Hunt acts out in her new movie, Sessions. So even though you haven’t done your required reading, I still love you and will re-explain sex surrogacy here.
A sex surrogate is a professional trained to help people develop fulfilling sexual relationships. Unlike me, a sex surrogate provides hands-on help, and will hug, touch, and interact intimately with their client. And yes, services often include intercourse.
Once a surrogate teaches someone to have successful sexual relationships, the goal is to transfer those skills to the real world in order to establish a romantic relationship with someone who’s not being paid. To get a surrogate, a person first needs to work with a sexologist (someone like me) who will help establish learning goals and when the time is right, will connect them to a surrogate who can provide some practical instruction. Once the goals are achieved, surrogate services end and the client works with their sexologist to test their new skills in the real world.
Surrogates are NOT prostitutes and their goal is not to have sex with someone, but to TEACH someone the skills to enjoy sexually fulfilling relationships. Often that happens without sex. Sometimes people need to learn how to date (we’ve all been out with them), or simply to relax in order to enjoy romance. Sometimes people simply need to know it’s inappropriate to pick your nose at the dinner table. Or experience holding hands with someone while walking down the street. Or learn to look into someone’s eyes and enjoy the intense intimacy eye contact can achieve.